There’s been a lot of amusing talk about contract extensions in baseball as of late. For some reason or another, there’s just been a flurry of activity on the topic of teams and players renewing their vows.
Twins owner Jim Pohlad reportedly said that he was not in on the Joe Mauer negotiations. The Twins obviously want to lock Mauer up for life, and if they don’t, Minnesota should/could be handing Pohlad the death penalty. Jim Pohlad is a big business guy – he’s not just the owner of the Twins. He is an entrepreneur, goddammit!!!!! His philosophy: fuck a Joe Mauer; I’m rich, bitch!!
However, you would have to be a pretty dumb motherfucker not to realize that Mauer is a healthy, strong investment, even if you don’t give a flying shit about your fanbase. Pohland is acting like Joe Mauer is some sort of mail order bride. He’s all “Hey, reporter, listen: I’m ordering a slut from Russia, but I don’t know her name and I’ll never speak to her. I won’t even sleep with her. I’m going to have my minions order her, and my customers will give her some ‘wear and tear’ for the next 8-10 years… but make no mistake about it: I don’t know the bitch.”
... I have nothing to say about this.
I’m just surprised Pohlad wouldn’t be doing everything in his personal power to keep Mauer. Point blank: if you can find a Russian slut of Mauer’s caliber, you get her. Pay her whatever she wants – she’s worth it. And if she bats like .365 on the side? Even better!
BTW – While reading the comments on this story on ESPN, I saw a lot of Yankees fans trying to take some weird high road by saying “Hey! Yankees Fan Here! Hope Mauer stays in Minnesota – it’s only right!” It was like a bad high school movie where the star, male-model high school QB is famous for banging every girl in school, but won’t take the blonde valedictorian’s virginity because “she’s too good for it.” News flash, Yanks fans: When/If Posada retires to the deserts of Egypt to pursue a career as a camel and your farm system runs dry (and before you say anything, I know you might have a great catcher waiting in the wings), you’ll be blueprinting escape routes for when you kidnap Joe Mauer out of Minnesota on $500,000,000,000 ransom. I know this. You know this. Joe Mauer knows this.
Face it: you buy everything you remotely need, and that will never change. I don’t have a problem with the Yankees doing this, but their fans need to shut the fuck up. You can’t have it both ways. You run your baseball team like Dynasty Mode in MLB The Show, and it’s been the running joke made of Major League Baseball since I learned how to shit.
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Side notes:
Cashman came out and said he isn’t extending Jeter or Rivera because they signed contracts and need to play them out. It’s a good statement to make. I’m glad he’s being honest. I hate when players feel the need to get new contracts before they’ve finished their existing ones… however, I feel that there was more to it than the whole ‘honest is the best policy’ deal.
"Yeah uhh... don't ask me for money if you're a 35-year-old shortstop... sass me again and I'll buy Hanley Ramirez, dick"
Jeter is going to want to play baseball for a long time. He’s a great player and he’s been a hitting machine. He probably won’t get Rose’s record, but he’ll get pretty damn close. SS is a skill position and to expect Jeter to play there into his 40s would be ridiculous. I know he practices hard as fuck and is a great player and all that shit… yadayadayada THE YANKEES WON’T WANT HIM PLAYING SHORTSTOP WHEN HE’S 40-SOMETHING YEARS-OLD!!! That much is a no-brainer. If Jeter wants to stay a Yankee, he’s going to have to accept a demotion to the bench/DH role in the next 3-4 years (I give him this much time because he is, as I’ve said, Derek Jeter.) One has to assume A-Rod would become DH eventually when he can no longer man the hot corner, and when that happens, Jeter is out. I doubt he’ll want to be a bench player, and I doubt the Yankees will want to pay him an 8-figure amount to be a bench player.
Yankees fans: thank you in advance for somehow thinking that what I ‘clearly said’ was that Derek Jeter actually dated Nick Cannon, that A-Rod invented the AIDS virus, and that Brian Cashman killed 2pac, Biggie, and Kangaroo Jack.
PS – you you all suck cock. LOL
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In other news… I forgot this website is supposed to be about the Phillies. We re-signed Clutch Chooch to a nice 3-year extension. Senor Octubre will be in full effect well after the end of the Mayan calendar, and that’s awesome.
#1 by Jurrjen4NLCY at February 10th, 2010
This has to set the highest amount of “AIDS” tags in any baseball blog. Expect for, “Jerry Manual Gave Us AIDS: A Mets Blog”
#2 by you suck cock at February 10th, 2010
“When/If Posada retires to the deserts of Egypt to pursue a career as a camel and your farm system runs dry (and before you say anything, I know you might have a great catcher waiting in the wings), you’ll be blueprinting escape routes for when you kidnap Joe Mauer out of Minnesota on $500,000,000,000 ransom.”
As I alluded to before, I’m a Red Sox fan. But you wasting your time to write up a bunch of bullshit about the fucking yankees of all topics just shows how horrible this site is. It’s a bandwagon Phillies site and you spend all your time writing about other teams like the yankees (who raped you in the WS, as painful as it is for me to say that).
Also, since I read various sites to get different insight to teams other than my own, I also know that the yankees have an entire farm system full of catchers. They have the most depth out of any team when it comes to catchers. Which you clearly know nothing about since you say it’s going to run dry after posada retires. Austin Romine & Jesus Montero beg to differ. So does Gary Sanchez, but he’s still a baby.
So, you dedicating a post on your site to me, a random person trolling you and your site, with the post script just shows that I’ve already won. Thank you!
PS – I wish the Sox had faced you in 08 instead of the Rays. You’d still have 1 WS win. From 1980.
#3 by you suck cock at February 10th, 2010
Before you say the yankees didn’t rape you in the WS, remember that the only games you won were the ones where Cliff Lee pitched, as he was on an incredible roll and no team would have beaten him on those nights.
And now he’s not even on the team, because your GM is a fucking moron. Pathetic.
The very best Roy Halladay can do in the playoffs is match what Cliff Lee did for you. What a great trade that was.
#4 by Dickie Assburn at February 10th, 2010
1) I wasn’t talking about you.
2) I was talking about Yankees fans and alluding to your name… a little self-centered to think I dedicated the whole thing to you, don’t you think?
3) You’re really no different than the Yankees fans in that you don’t know how to fucking read. I’m well aware of their catching prospects, jackass.
4) Red Sox weren’t allowed to play us because they just weren’t good enough. Go sign an overrated pitcher for a shitload of money or something and shut up. I can’t wait to see your garbage outfield help your team fall even further behind the Yankees. Good luck with Mike Cameron, and your ‘not-fucking-moron’ GM, cock boy. You spent millions and MILLIONS of dollars on over the hill players because your whole organization is in panic mode.
You did a lot of shit talking earlier about stats someone else cited that talked about the disparity between teams that placed 2nd and 3rd in divisions. You’ll be looking at that kind of shit a lot this year, so get used to it. The Red Sox will be looking up at the Yankees AND the Rays very, very soon.
Bottom line: the fact that you wrote a big, long message to someone about how they didn’t know about an organization’s prospects after citing a section of that person’s work where they CLEARLY indicated that they did have knowledge of those prospects is extremely alarming.
Oh, and by the way… you’re still here, ‘wasting your time.’ You’re fucking retarded.
#5 by Little Jew at February 12th, 2010
I wish we had played the Red Sox in ‘08 too, although I wouldn’t have wanted to deal with all the douchebag frontrunning Sawx fans at the games (kinda like this year with all the douchebag frontrunning Yankee fans).
Except for one small thing. You guys lost to the fucking Devil Rays. Yes I know they’re called “the Rays” now but they’ll always be the Devil Rays to me. The Devil Rays beat you. LO fucking L.
#6 by hahahaha at February 15th, 2010
phillies fans are the biggest and most recent bandwagon of them all. you all started watching baseball in 07 and this site wasn’t even made until late 2009.
what a fanbase… a whopping 2 years old.
#7 by Dickie Assburn at February 15th, 2010
I can’t really speak for the makers of this site… because I really don’t know what the case is with them…
Butttt what I will say is that guys like you are the Phillies/this site’s biggest bandwagon fans. Keep obsessing over the Phillies and their fans!
Just think: you could be doing anything else, but you chose to comment this Phillies website… what a dumbass
#8 by hahahaha at February 15th, 2010
yeah, 20 seconds is a whole lot of time.
ON TO THE NEXT ONE.
#9 by Little Jew at February 16th, 2010
At least our fans are actually from the area. I think there’s just as many red sox fans where we live as there are phillies fans. Not sure why though, it’s not like 2 WS titles in the past 90 years (which they got through cheating) is all that impressive. Yes I know that’s the same amount the phillies have but we don’t have an entire “nation” of fans
#10 by hahahaha at February 16th, 2010
most pinksox fans you see aren’t real fans. just like you shitty phillies bandwagon fans who just started watching baseball in 07 and now all of a sudden everyone wears phillies hats and apparel. bandwagon, fairweather fans is all you guys are. all phillies fans. there are a lot sox fans like that too, but not all. but we’ve been around for a while, unlike phillies fans since 2007. we watched when we lost, didn’t start just cause they won. the end.
#11 by hahahaha at February 16th, 2010
and unlike you fairweather bandwagon phillies fans, i’m a real fan of baseball too, which is why i can appreciate good teams and legendary players while i watch great baseball. there’s never been a more competitive time for baseball with so many great players right now, in my opinion. everybody wishes their team’s history was as rich and historic as the yankees, but they’re not just baseball but they have been winners forever. i don’t hate on them as ignorant sox fans or any fans do. i hate them when my sox play them and stuff. but i can appreciate them. it’s easy to be a hater.
peace
#12 by Dickie Assburn at February 18th, 2010
Thanks again…again…and again for visiting!
Why don’t you look up my history on the site if you’re so concerned with talking about it. You won’t have to look far to see my talking about the days the Phillies could do little else than shit all over themselves.
But that doesn’t matter to people like you. People like you remind me of people that define themselves by the traumatizing events that happened in their lives. You can only claim to own/be something if you’ve lived through the pain of something else… that’s fucking stupid.
While I’ve watched the Phillies my whole life, and endured the days when Rico Brogna’s mediocrity at first base was enough to make him a fan favorite and the days when people actually thought of DESI RELAFORD as our most promising player, I don’t think that attributes anything to my ‘fandom’.
Don’t go acting all high and mighty because you watched a fucking team longer than someone else. You have no more ownership over the rights to that team/the right to calling yourself a ‘true fan’ than they do. Sure, there are bandwagon Phillies fans, but baseball isn’t restricted only to people who started watching the sport back in, say, 1995, or 1985. If you can watch a game, watch a team, and you can appreciate that, then you might have something you can contribute to a conversation on the sport.
But what are people like you? You run around like a pompous douchebag screaming that you know the true fans, that you’re a real fan, and all this other bullshit. Guess what? I’m sure there are a lot more Red Sox caps in Philly than there are Phillies hats in Boston. What does that tell you? The Red Sox = The Dallas Cowboys, the LA Lakers, the New York Yankees – teams that have some sort of history of winning that has made a certain cluster of America enthralled with wearing their logo. The Phillies could very well end up being like the 49ers of the 90s – they had great players, America fell in love with them and bought every fucking jersey they could find under the son that said ‘Rice’ or ‘Young’, and as soon as Jeff Garcia started being the guy hovering over the center’s ass, everyone forgot the team existed. This success could be gone in a flash, and I’m not really all that caught up at the moment over who buys Majestic jackets during this run… I’m more concerned with taking in the “great baseball” as you call it…
I really don’t care when someone started being a baseball fan. If you enjoy the game, watch it. Don’t bitch like some fucking nerd about being a better fan than someone else… who gives a shit? Corporate MLB doesn’t. If a guy that knows nothing about the Red Sox went to a game, and while at that game, bought a box of Cracker Jack and some crab fries, I am 100% sure that baseball would rather want them as a ‘fan’ than someone like… a guy that has loved the Red Sox all his life but has been too busy/poor to buy tickets to a game.
And yes, it is easy to be a hater.
#13 by Little Jew at February 18th, 2010
Nope, every single Phillies fan is a bandwagoner and just started watching baseball in 2007. It’s not like the team’s been around since the 19th century or anything. The owners must’ve been losing a lot of money playing all those games up until 2007 with no fans in the stadium
#14 by WTT at February 20th, 2010
Yeah, I’m so bandwagon. Following those glorious teams from 91-06 was fucking awesome. Dickie Thon forever.