Archive for category Opposition Rants
I Know What the New York Post Will Say Tomorrow…
Posted by WTT in Breaking News, Enemies, General Thoughts, Miscellaneous Rants, Opposition Rants, Playoffs and World Series on October 28th, 2009
Look, I have a job, so I have to go to bed…but something tells me that the front page of the NY Post tomorrow is going to read something like this…
“Yo! The Phils got Lucky. Parmesan!”
Jerkoffs.
Fuck you, New York. How’s that one feel? Yeah? Well, get used to it.
P.S. I enjoyed the…I don’t know, like 20,000 there to see the end of that game. Frauds.
Dear Joanna Molloy…
Posted by WTT in Enemies, General Thoughts, Media and Press, Miscellaneous Rants, Opposition Rants, Playoffs and World Series on October 27th, 2009
Hey Joanna!
We here at 4DaysRest just wanted to introduce ourselves after reading your latest offering in the floundering shit-rag of a paper, commonly known as the New York Daily News. (I’d link it, but fuck her. She gets no hits from us.)
Before I continue, I’d just like to point to point out that sales of the NY Daily News declined 14.3 percent over the past year, which means I’ve already utilized better journalistic practice than did the scribe in question.
So what exactly is our problem with Ms. Molloy, you ask?
In her article that screams “we’re really fucking scared, but here’s my best attempt at false bravado,” Malloy offers journalistic gems such as: “W.C. Fields wanted his epitaph to say: I’d Rather Be in Philadelphia. Well, maybe it’s better than being dead, but I’m not sure.”
She’s pretty tough on Philadelphia, so you gotta figure she’s from somewhere pretty damn nice, right?
Wrong. She’s from the BRONX.
This comes from one of our loyal readers, “For a girl to put down Philadelphia, you’d think she was from somewhere nicer than the BRONX. Come on. The fucking Bronx? I’ve seen cars with three wheels drive down main streets in the Bronx.”
We here at 4DaysRest are all about journalistic integrity and getting the facts. And we started to wonder… the hell is this lady so salty? So we did a little research.
After a simple Google search, I came across this from the NEW YORK DAILY NEWS wedding announcements:
(From December 13, 1992) Ms. Molloy, who is 37 years old, is keeping her name. She is co-editor of The New York Post’s Page Six column. She graduated from the University of California at Berkeley. Her father was a vice president at the Equitable Life Assurance Society in New York. Her two previous marriages ended in divorce.
Wow. Three marriages by age 37? Yeah, I guess I’d be a little salty, too. Also, I love that her own fucking paper dropped in that last line about being married three times by the age of thirty-seven. Awesome.
It also says here that she was married at the Roman Catholic Church of the Holy Cross in New York.
Here’s the view from a mere one block from where she was wed.
Pretty.
I’m sure the Taj Mahal was right down the street. Next time you want to run your mouth about my city, make sure you weren’t bred in a shit hole first, okay?
If you weren’t sold on Molloy’s journalistic brilliance and reporting, enjoy this, “Did they also think Sanjaya would beat Jordin Sparks? That would be “American Idol,” in case you watch too much baseball and not enough Stupid TV.”
I smell a Pulitzer! Wait, that’s just stale vagina.
Nobody could ever love you. And I have the wedding announcement to prove it.
Look, I was actually going to overlook the fact that she is a girl trying to assert an opinion about sports. I think title IX is cute, but when she mentioned the likes of Jordin Sparks and Sanjaya it instantly ruined any credibility that this blabbering bitch had. “OMG Bill Cosby was born in Philly but lives in NYC.”
Cool, you can have Cosby and all the snow leopards in the world.
We’ll take the World Series. In six.
Now go back to writing about how you saw Richard Gere eating a fucking steak on the lower east side, or whatever the fuck it is you write about.
P.S. It must be comforting to know that you’ve lived a completely useless existence, blabbing away about useless gossip like some old fucking lady in a salon that TiVo’s The View.
Okay. I’m done now. Bitch.
2:37 p.m. — seriously, Selig?
Posted by Dickie Assburn in Opposition Rants, Playoffs and World Series on October 5th, 2009
2:37 p.m.
You know what types of shit comes on at that time on weekday television?
ABC runs filth like ‘One Life to Live.’ CBS? ‘As the World Turns.’ Every other station? ‘Local programming’ aka an assortment of Regis and Kelly, some Mario Lopez dog show, and other shit like Maury.
You know what all of this is? Housewife television.
You know why? EVERYONE ELSE IS AT WORK AT THAT TIME!!!
In many cases, if your boss won’t allow you to listen to/watch the game, you are going to be forced to ask your fucking wife what happened during the game. What could she possibly tell you?
“Uhh, I think Chase’s dick popped out, which was pretty fucking awesome… and I kept fantasizing about Pat Burrell coming back to Philly for the day so he could rail me during the 7th inning stretch… but I forget who won? Sorry, Bob :/”
Wearing a big yellow condom is never fashionable
Now, for something totally creepy and weird (and unrelated):
“You can’t forget about him,” Suzuki said through an interpreter. “I believe that even in this winter, in my sleep, he will appear in my dreams.
“Exhibit A” as to why I’m a bad person
Posted by Even Stevens in General Thoughts, Opposition Rants, Site News on July 25th, 2009
As WTT alluded to, a few of us guys were at the game last night catching up with some old friends and enjoying some adult beverages. As we had excellent seats (Section 111, Row 9), it was hard not to enjoy the evening. I mean, except for the part where the Phillies didn’t show up.
As such, we had to take it upon ourselves to make the evening interesting. Now let me just start by saying that I’m okay with Cardinals fans. You guys are loyal, you’re not over the top, and the media doesn’t glorify you to the degree of the Red Sox or Yankees. Generally speaking, I can stand Cardinals fans.
Except for this one little annoying fucker who had better seats than me. He had to be 7 or 8 years old. He was holding up a sign that said “Pujols for President” and kept turning around the showing the sign to all the fans in our section as the Cardinals started pounding the Phillies in the 6th and 7th inning.
This funny gentleman in the seat in front of me said “God I wish somebody would throw something at that kid.” Without a moment’s pause, I stood up and threw a water bottle at this little mother fucker. It hit him square in the chest, stunned him beyond belief, and caused the crowd around us to laugh uncontrollably.
Philadelphia is the only city where this would be okay. There was an elderly couple sitting behind us who were laughing hard and giving me the thumbs up for accomplishing such a feat. All told, there were probably 75-100 people that saw this occur. Only two had a problem with it, and they were the overweight girls behind me who probably boycott US Magazine because J-Lo wears fur in it.
Anyway, I just wanted to point out that I indeed do know that I am an asshole. For all of our readers out there who have thought this throughout our existence, you now have confirmation from the source.
Are the Dodgers REALLY excited to have Manny back?
Posted by Even Stevens in Ballplayer Lifestyle, Miscellaneous Rants, Opposition Rants on July 6th, 2009
The Los Angeles Dodgers are 52-30, which makes them the holders of the best record in baseball. Manny Ramirez missed 50 of those 82 games, and yet they still sit atop not only the NL West but the entire Major League cast. The unsung hero during Manny’s absense was Juan Pierre, who leads the team in batting with a .328 average.
Another thing that helped the Dodgers get along without their long-haired bad-boy was the spectacular pitching they’ve gotten. With a .231 batting average against, the team also holds the National League lead in that category.
There have been a lot of stand-out performers on this Dodgers team this year: Chad Billingsley, Jonathan Broxton, Andre Ethier, Orlando Hudson, Casey Blake, the aforementioned Juan Pierre, and of course Matt Kemp. This team got along just fine without Manny because they have good chemistry and they never quit.
Although they have been teammates for almost a year now, you wonder if the Dodgers REALLY like Manny and if they are happy to have him back in the clubhouse. I feel like this is a conversation that took place with regard to Manny prior to his return last week:
Matt Kemp: ”I’m really excited to have Manny back.”
Andre Ethier “No you not.”
Matt Kemp: “Yeah I is.”
Andre Ethier “No you not.”
…and so on and so on. In fact, let me just give you a visual representation of what that conversation might have looked like:
“Manny do drugs, and you ain’t gonna do it wit ‘em.”
Phils vs. Mets Just Doesn’t Feel the Same
Posted by Even Stevens in Enemies, General Thoughts, Opposition Rants on July 4th, 2009
Is it just me, or do you guys agree with me? There’s just something about pounding on a team filled with Alex Cora’s, Gary Sheffield’s, and Nick 
Evans’ that doesn’t excite me at all. Last year, when we beat the Mets, I was pumped up for a week. This year, it’s just another win. It’s not the same because it’s not the real Mets – the astoundingly Spanish Mets.
Unless Jose Geyes, Carlos Delgado, and Carlos Beltran are in the lineup, I can’t get as pumped up 
for these games as I’m used to getting. That said, it’s also much more frustrating when we lose to this current group of replacements. Hopefully with last night’s win, the Phillies have found their stride against this light-hitting bunch and can finally start playing the baseball necessary to pull away from the pack. It’s actually a wonder that the Mets are still in the race.
I gotta be honest – that’s all I really have to say about the rivalry at this moment. It’s totally unfulfilling right now
because we’re not able to beat up on a few of the gayest major league baseball players as a cohesive unit. Until we get to play them at full-strength, I’ll continue to feel like every win was expected.
The main reason for this post was so that I could scatter these photographs all over the place. I’m usually a jokester and I’m usually sarcastic, but I am dead serious when I say that none of these photos are doctored at all.
Actually, check that. The photo on the right HAD to be doctored, because Carlos Beltran has a mole the size of Rhode Island over his right ear. For any of you who haven’t had your masturbation session yet today, you can thank me later.
