Posts Tagged carlos ruiz
Ky-Guy is kicking that ass!
Posted by Dickie Assburn in Ballplayer Lifestyle, Spring Training on March 8th, 2010
If you’ve visited 4DaysRest with any rate of frequency over the past couple of weeks, you may have noticed the alarming tone conveyed in posts. I am no stranger to such behavior, as I succumbed to flipping the fuck out on Greg Dobbs about a week ago over a comment he made during… Spring Training!
This is a time to be happy! Fuck yeah, d00d! So, with that said, enough of this shit:
… because:
a) Recording shit that happens on your TV via your VHS player and later uploading it to YouTube is white trash.
b) If you own a Hibachi TV, you are white trash.
c) It’s fucking SPRING TRAINING — the time where Phillies fans get to bask in the glory of things like:
- The battle over who wins the #5 starter job, who settles for the middle relief job and who takes the #5 starter spot a month and a half into the season after the guy that originally won it gets a bad case of elbow tendonitis
- Overrating our own prospects because they hit homeruns off of the other team’s 30-year-old, stuck-forever-in-Triple-A starting pitcher (I’m being a jackass, but it was cool pretending at one point last year that Jason Donald was going to be ‘the man’ some day)
- Watching Domonic Brown pwn bitches like it ain’t no thang
I want to talk about something positive for a moment: Kyle Kendrick is kicking ass so far. I know it’s early, but I’ve heard that he’s worked on some new pitches, he’s built some confidence, and according to Chooch, he’s like a totally new pitcher out there. We have a very, very solid top-4 in our rotation, but I think if Kendrick can put it all together (or at least most of it), it would be awesome. So far, he’s pitched five scoreless innings on two outings. It’s early, as I said, but it’s promising.
Like I said: confident.... wait, wrong picture LOL
Foreign brides, old men, and shitty fans = Major League Baseball
Posted by Dickie Assburn in Ballplayer Lifestyle, Enemies, Free Agency, Media and Press, Mic'd Up on February 10th, 2010
There’s been a lot of amusing talk about contract extensions in baseball as of late. For some reason or another, there’s just been a flurry of activity on the topic of teams and players renewing their vows.
Twins owner Jim Pohlad reportedly said that he was not in on the Joe Mauer negotiations. The Twins obviously want to lock Mauer up for life, and if they don’t, Minnesota should/could be handing Pohlad the death penalty. Jim Pohlad is a big business guy – he’s not just the owner of the Twins. He is an entrepreneur, goddammit!!!!! His philosophy: fuck a Joe Mauer; I’m rich, bitch!!
However, you would have to be a pretty dumb motherfucker not to realize that Mauer is a healthy, strong investment, even if you don’t give a flying shit about your fanbase. Pohland is acting like Joe Mauer is some sort of mail order bride. He’s all “Hey, reporter, listen: I’m ordering a slut from Russia, but I don’t know her name and I’ll never speak to her. I won’t even sleep with her. I’m going to have my minions order her, and my customers will give her some ‘wear and tear’ for the next 8-10 years… but make no mistake about it: I don’t know the bitch.”
... I have nothing to say about this.
I’m just surprised Pohlad wouldn’t be doing everything in his personal power to keep Mauer. Point blank: if you can find a Russian slut of Mauer’s caliber, you get her. Pay her whatever she wants – she’s worth it. And if she bats like .365 on the side? Even better!
BTW – While reading the comments on this story on ESPN, I saw a lot of Yankees fans trying to take some weird high road by saying “Hey! Yankees Fan Here! Hope Mauer stays in Minnesota – it’s only right!” It was like a bad high school movie where the star, male-model high school QB is famous for banging every girl in school, but won’t take the blonde valedictorian’s virginity because “she’s too good for it.” News flash, Yanks fans: When/If Posada retires to the deserts of Egypt to pursue a career as a camel and your farm system runs dry (and before you say anything, I know you might have a great catcher waiting in the wings), you’ll be blueprinting escape routes for when you kidnap Joe Mauer out of Minnesota on $500,000,000,000 ransom. I know this. You know this. Joe Mauer knows this.
Face it: you buy everything you remotely need, and that will never change. I don’t have a problem with the Yankees doing this, but their fans need to shut the fuck up. You can’t have it both ways. You run your baseball team like Dynasty Mode in MLB The Show, and it’s been the running joke made of Major League Baseball since I learned how to shit.
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Side notes:
Cashman came out and said he isn’t extending Jeter or Rivera because they signed contracts and need to play them out. It’s a good statement to make. I’m glad he’s being honest. I hate when players feel the need to get new contracts before they’ve finished their existing ones… however, I feel that there was more to it than the whole ‘honest is the best policy’ deal.
"Yeah uhh... don't ask me for money if you're a 35-year-old shortstop... sass me again and I'll buy Hanley Ramirez, dick"
Jeter is going to want to play baseball for a long time. He’s a great player and he’s been a hitting machine. He probably won’t get Rose’s record, but he’ll get pretty damn close. SS is a skill position and to expect Jeter to play there into his 40s would be ridiculous. I know he practices hard as fuck and is a great player and all that shit… yadayadayada THE YANKEES WON’T WANT HIM PLAYING SHORTSTOP WHEN HE’S 40-SOMETHING YEARS-OLD!!! That much is a no-brainer. If Jeter wants to stay a Yankee, he’s going to have to accept a demotion to the bench/DH role in the next 3-4 years (I give him this much time because he is, as I’ve said, Derek Jeter.) One has to assume A-Rod would become DH eventually when he can no longer man the hot corner, and when that happens, Jeter is out. I doubt he’ll want to be a bench player, and I doubt the Yankees will want to pay him an 8-figure amount to be a bench player.
Yankees fans: thank you in advance for somehow thinking that what I ‘clearly said’ was that Derek Jeter actually dated Nick Cannon, that A-Rod invented the AIDS virus, and that Brian Cashman killed 2pac, Biggie, and Kangaroo Jack.
PS – you you all suck cock. LOL
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In other news… I forgot this website is supposed to be about the Phillies. We re-signed Clutch Chooch to a nice 3-year extension. Senor Octubre will be in full effect well after the end of the Mayan calendar, and that’s awesome.
Blogger Bitch Fight
Posted by Dickie Assburn in General Thoughts, Mic'd Up, Phillies Rants, injuries on January 18th, 2010
Sorry if you're one of the women fighting in this picture... I would've asked for permission, but we all know you're both too trashy to have any idea what copyright infringement is anyway.
I always like to pretend I’m writing about something timely (and by ‘always’ I mean my last two entries), and ‘bitch fights’ are actually very timely. Over at NBC, Conando and Jay ‘Wake up-shitty monologue-star guests-Kevin Eubanks-shitty band-go to bed’ Leno are involved in a bitch fight over who gets to speak directly after the local news. Conan shits all over Jay’s life – this is something we all know and love. However, how many people actually watch these two? Everyone loves to say ‘I Love Conan!!!!!!’ but how many people actually watch him every night? The same can be said for Jay Leno. No one really watches them. They just want to take sides and talk shit whenever they can… and such is the human condition.
Notice: Conan = Matt Damon creeping around town in The Departed aka bad ass. Leno = Mehhh can you tell I just got raped or nahhh mehhh???
So how about I instigate a public uproar over something people actually do consistently care about, like baseball blog sites? (lolol)
If you follow the Phils during the off-season (a period in time I cannot stand) then you’ve realized that the arbitration hearings are going to be underway soon. Victorino, Chooch, and Joe Fuckin Blanton are all guys that are due to receive raises, and to (at least) some degree, I’d say they’ve all earned them.
Enter Chad Durbin, the guy made about 1.635 million last year and had an ERA on the really wrong side of 4.
Here is something I read that was published on ‘THE PHILLIES FILES’:
Durbin, 32,earned $1.635 million in 2009. Although his numbers are a little down from 2008 (he had a 4.39 ERA in 59 games in 2009 compared to the 2.87 ERA he posted in 71 games in 2008), he’s still due for a raise. This isn’t someone the Phillies should neglect. He’s more valuable than many realize, especially considering he’s one of the few returning to a much-broken up bullpen.
You mean to tell me there isn’t a guy in the minors who can’t suck that bad for us at a lower price than 1.635 million dollars? Seriously? I don’t really think he was ever really that great. For the better part of his career, his ERA struggled to stay under 5. Many seasons saw Durbin pitching much worse than that. His career ERA eats my ass and I really don’t see why such a shitty overall player (for his career) sees a raise coming soon from 1.635 mill. That’s bananas. Sorry, Mr. THE PHILLIES FILES guy. I can’t agree with you here.
BTW… Everyone’s saying Lidge won’t be ready for the start of the season. Not that he’s been any good or anything, but who is going to be our closer come opening day? Madson? Holy shit.
The Phillies have some spending decisions to make
Posted by Dickie Assburn in Coaching, Free Agency, General Thoughts, Mic'd Up, Phillies Rants on November 7th, 2009
Charlie: "I need the same exact players playing the same exact roles as they did last year, even if they are ineffective... Patrick, get back over here and start re-collecting your 14 million dollar yearly paychecks again, we need YOUU AHHHHMFKMAfsdff!!!!"
A lot of you have been talking about the Phillies’ current financial state in light of free agency/the offseason. Already we have seen Cliff Lee’s thrift-store-esque $9 million team option exercised. We have also seen, as stated in the last post, Brett Myers leave without a contract offer.
Amaro has stated that his payroll will be around 130-140 million dollars. We will likely see ourselves locked up for around $125-130 million before we sign any free agents/trade for someone. (Side note: we are paying those pieces of shit known as Geoff Jenkins and Adam Eaton a combined $2 million dollars this year… ugh)
Article of the Future: Charlie Manuel pleas with Ruben Amaro Jr. to bring back Adam Eaton in the interest of loyalty... HE PLAYED HERE IN 2008, WE NEED HIM!
A couple of things I’d like to point out/talk about (in no real order):
1. If Brad Lidge is fucking up, we need to deal for a new closer. I can’t do last season all over again. If he’s going to play like shit, we have to deal for a closer. Period. Fuck ‘loyalty,’ Charlie. I don’t want to hear it. There is no way IN HELL we can settle for 2009 Brad Lidge in 2010. For a team that wants to compete, that is retarded. I don’t think we can afford to sign a closer right now (we have Lidge signed to a big contract and you know they’re going to try their luck with him again because of it), but like I said, if he sucks again… we NEED to get someone to do that job during the season.
2. Victorino, Blanton, Ruiz, and Durbin will all likely see pay raises. Do I really think Durbin deserves a raise through arbitration after the shitty season he had? No, I don’t. Chooch was Senor Octubre, but over the course of the season, he wasn’t anything spectacular (not that I mind, just saying.) Blanton had a good year, and Shane deserves a raise — ‘no questions asked.’
"Son, I promise I'll be able to afford pants for you to wear once I get this raise..."
3. It would be a good idea to re-sign Scott Eyre and Chan Ho Park. Eyre is a great clubhouse guy that can get the job done out of the bullpen, and Chan Ho was great for us when he settled into his relief role. As long as they’re willing to come back at a reasonable asking price, I’m down.
4. We need a fucking bench – seriously. The problem is that the free agent pool seems to be full of players that are past their prime and will want to start, and guys who will want more than they’re worth (which is partly going to be due to a weak free agent crop.)
5. Regarding Pedro Feliz, Ruben Amaro Jr. said:
“He had a solid year for us,” Amaro said. “I like the man personally. He’s a great person, a great teammate, but I also believe in trying to improve and change can be for the better. It doesn’t necessarily mean we’re going to, but it’s something that we’ll look into.”
For the most part, I agree with this. While I don’t like Pedro Feliz, there aren’t many options available at third base. Kudos to Ruben for telling it like it is.
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This offseason:
Given the pay raises that we will likely see out of the guys we will actually keep, we’ll probably have $20 million to spend at the most. With that, we need to revamp our bench and fix our bullpen. Starting pitching is the next biggest concern, and then, lastly, we should address third base (the only part of our everyday lineup that I’m not satisfied with.)
The Phillies have a lot of guys that can be starting pitchers in the majors, but they do not have a lot of guys that would be good at it. In hindsight, Jamie Moyer should have gracefully retired after we won the World Series last year. I really don’t want him to be guaranteed a spot in the rotation on Opening Day, but I’m sure we all know that that’s going to be the case. We’re going to have to sit through him getting rocked for 5-10 starts before Drabek/Kendrick takes his place.
I’m oddly optimistic about Kyle Kendrick. He seemed to have better stuff when he came up late last season. What we do know about Drabek is that, even if he starts as a rookie and pitches for an ERA under 3 during the season, he won’t smell any playoff action, because it will be more important to pitch guys like Durbin and Madson (even if they put 10000000…00000…00000 runners on base per appearance… YOU MUST BE LOYAL. Fuck JA Happ. l8uh – cholly.)
YOU DID NOT PLAY MUCH LAST YEAR, SO YOU CANNOT PLAY THIS YEAR$@#@ LOL - Charlie Manuel (photo courtesy of thefightins.com)
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Past next season:
Not sure you get paid more or less for looking like Edge
The Phillies have Jimmy Rollins (club option), Ryan Howard, Brad Lidge, Raul Ibanez, Cole Hamels, Ryan Madson coming off of the books after the 2011 season. To me, it is very possible that none of these guys will be re-signed. Ryan Howard will get many offers from other teams that will overpay him for way too many years, and it will be hard for him to turn that down. I personally do not want Ryan Howard until he’s 40 years old, and you know someone’s going to offer to sign his checks until then… and pay him handsomely in the process. If Cole can get his head back on straight, we will probably do whatever we can to keep him, but if he doesn’t, I wouldn’t be surprised to see him walk, either.
It is important to keep in mind that we will need to re-sign Jayson Werth and Cliff Lee next year. Both are eligible for free agency at that time. Cliff Lee is going to want a LOT of money (the guy hasn’t gotten a good contract yet and he could very possibly be looking for something long term with a lot of zeroes.) We have Werth going into the last year of the extension we signed him to, and he’s making $7.5 million. In my opinion, I think we’ll see him ask for something in the ballpark of $12-13 million, maybe more. We have to decide if what he’s asking is worth it. He can do it all, but he’s not a young guy. He’ll be 31 next offseason, and I think negotiations will depend heavily on how many years he’s willing to accept. To me, he’s worth the money, and his body hasn’t seen as much wear-and-tear as a guy his age would have by now. Overall, the amount of games he has played in isn’t even the equivalent of 4 full seasons. He’s seen less action in the big leagues than the typical 30-year-old big leaguer, and that’s definitely a good thing.
I am ashamed of Cole Hamels.
Posted by Dickie Assburn in Free Agency, Game Summaries, Phillies Rants, Playoffs and World Series on November 1st, 2009
What the FUCK is wrong with you?
2008 Cole Hamels showed up for a brief moment. Remember the guy who didn’t give a shit about what the other team did? Remember the guy that didn’t have any endorsement deals, and showed poise on the mound? Remember the guy that was touted as one of the most mature and talented young pitchers in the game today? Remember the guy…
that wouldn’t have fucking SUCKED on a night like last night?
What is his problem? He’s turned into a little sissy bratty bitch. When something doesn’t go his way, he throws temper tantrums visibly on the mound, and completely gives up. Charlie says he would never question his “mental toughness.” Well guess what, Charlie: if you’re too little of a man to do it, I will. Cole, you’ve let everything go to your head, and you expect everything to be easy. You think you are God’s gift to the earth, and that’s partly because we all led you to believe you were after you led us down Broad Street last year… but you are now representing everything that Philadelphia sports should NEVER be.
Oh, and aside from being completely full of yourself, it also turns out that you are a complete dumbass:
“There won’t be any Game 7 if we lose Game 3,” Hamels had said Friday. Quickly doing the math, he laughed. “Well, there could be … sorry,” he said. “I already sunk our ship. No, you have to focus one game at a time, and so that’s kind of — Game 3 is —- where I’m at.”
You are a high-maintenance pussy who pees himself and blames everyone else for his poor bladder control. You SUCK now. Period.
Ryan Howard and Chase Utley have completely lost their confidence. J-Roll talks a big game, but I see a complacent man out on that field. Victorino swung at the shittiest pitches known to man last night, and just looks on with this stupid, blank look on his face anymore.
What happened to the team that made us proud? What happened to the team that had CONFIDENCE and COMPOSURE? The only two C’s we’ll be seeing tonight will be in the form of C.C. Sabathia, who gets the luxury of pitching against Joe Blanton. Who knew it would be more important to make sure Cliff Lee doesn’t hurt himself (a guy we’ll likely only have for one more season) than it would be to try and prevent us from going down 3-1 (which could very well happen unless the Phils light the Yankees up for 8-9 runs tonight.)
Sure, that video camera being there was ridiculous. It should never interfere with gameplay. I’d rather them outrule us ever seeing that angle than have it turn a ball that quite possibly might not have been a home run into a 2-run shot. The point? It was there, it WAS a 2-run homerun, and it opened up the floodgates to even bigger problems.
Jayson Werth and Carlos Ruiz: I feel bad for you guys. Your teammates don’t want to help you win games anymore. Try to keep your heads up.
We got our asses handed to us last night. Kudos to the Yankees for clubbing around Cole’s high school level curveball for base hits and home runs. We need a big turn around tonight, or we’ll be sulking in the shit of what could’ve been for a long, long time.
Charlie Manuel Is Out Managing Joe Torre. Really?
Posted by WTT in Coaching, Phillies Rants, Playoffs and World Series on October 19th, 2009
Editor’s Note: Written during the sixth inning of Game 4…
If you opened up the papers today after Sunday night’s 11-0 win, you may have read the lavish praise heaped upon Charlie Manuel for simply “out-managing” Joe Torre. I guess my question is this- what series has everyone been watching? Let’s take a look at both managers moves throughout the first four games of the 2009 NLCS.
Joe Blanton can go deep too, I'll totally leave him in the game so he can get as many at bats as possible tonight.
Game 1: Joe Torre decided to stick with Clayton Kershaw after Carlos Ruiz touched him up for a three-run shot. I particularly enjoyed when Jim Thome reached base after pinch-hitting, only to be replaced on the base paths. Torre’s stream of consciousness appeared to work along these lines…Thome is going to replaced by…wait…who the fuck am I going to put into the game? Shit, Wolf doesn’t even have his fucking shoes on. Lemme call timeout.” Okay,I’d agree that Manuel got the best of Torre in Game 1, although Manuel’s use of the pen in Game 1 didn’t appear to brilliant because, well, the bullpen sucks.
Game 2: All Torre had to do was write the name “Padilla” in the lineup card and the rest was easy. Still, it was a good move opting for Padilla here, given that up until a month ago it seemed like his most notable accomplishment in 2009 would be contracting swine flu. Meanwhile, Charlie Manuel used five fucking pitchers in a catastrophic eighth inning that lead to a disgusting and disappointing loss. I’m not going to kill him for removing Martinez after the seventh, but if Madson is your eighth inning guy, then start the eighth with him. Worse yet, bringing in J.A. Happ, who spent the majority of this season in long relief and as a starter, is terrible. Happ isn’t a situational lefty. He’s on the road. The bases were loaded. Come on. Hind sight is 20/20, but even as it was happening, there I was cursing the move in a crowded bar. So fuck your hindsight.
Game 3: Manuel wrote the name Cliff Lee in the lineup card. Not exactly brilliant, but for the Phil Sheridan’s out there who were high on the win, sure, Charlie was great.
Game 4: It was pretty clear that Blanton had nothing left after allowing 5 runners to reach base in the fourth inning, but Manuel wanted to get at least five out his starter. Enter Matt Kemp who hit what Ron Darling (pussy) termed a “majestic” home run. Okay, fine. You want to get the big guy through five, I’ll accept that. But in the bottom of the fifth after the Phillies finally figured out how to reach first base to leave Joe Blanton in the game to hit is absolutely inexcusable. The Phillies were down, the Dodgers have a stellar pen, and Blanton was obviously completely cooked. So what does Chuck do? He sticks with Blanton who ends the inning and then promptly surrenders a run in the sixth. That’s fucking awesome. It felt a little bit like watching Andy Reid on Sunday throw play action go routes on 3rd and 2.
Manuel isn’t blowing the series, but he’s made his fair share of moves to this point that have had me wondering what the fuck he was doing. All year, Manuel’s point of pride has been having confidence in his players, but he’s managing scared and that has to stop. So if someone wants to explain to me why exactly Manuel has been so superior to Joe Torre in this series, go ahead and fill me in because the hangover of 11-0 is wearing off here in the eighth…
EDITOR’S NOTE (POSTGAME) FUCK YES. CHARLIE IS GOD! LOLZ!
In all seriousness, the claims above remain, in my view, true, but…fuck it. It’s amazing how a win like that takes you from analyzing every single pitch to just screaming obscenities and jumping up and down as your cell phone is flooded with obscenities from people who were also jumping up and down. That, friends, is what it’s all about.