Posts Tagged greg dobbs
Dobbs: when I play like shit, play me more
Posted by Dickie Assburn in Ballplayer Lifestyle, Miscellaneous Rants on March 3rd, 2010
Before I pretend that anything Greg Dobbs says matters: why does this show up when you google 'greg dobbs'? hahaha
No – there are no typos in the subject. What I wrote is what I meant. After doing a lot of less important shit, like mailing out my resume to a bunch of places hoping to get an internship for this summer, I looked up the Phillies news for the day… only to see Greg Dobbs bitching about his playing time. What’s worse is that the guy reporting on it, Matt Gelb, didn’t call his bluff and state in his article that Greg Dobbs has lost his fucking mind. Here are the excerpts of Gelb’s articles that just did not make ANY sense to me…
The hardest part, he said, was accepting the diminished role. With Ryan Howard and Pedro Feliz entrenched in their starting spots, plus little playing time to be had in the corner outfield positions, there just wasn’t room for Dobbs – and he couldn’t duplicate his success.
Ideally, Dobbs said, he needs at least 200 at-bats to avoid a season like 2009.
See — that right there is exactly why I would never want to be a real sports journalist. It would mean I’d have to put up with hearing ludicrous shit like that coming out of the mouth of the resident pinch hitter.
What is a pinch hitter, anyway? Oh yeah — it’s a guy that sits on his ass pretty much everyday and then gets off of it to swing a fucking bat in the 7th inning when the pitcher starts sucking too bad/gets tired. People say DHs are lazy as shit, but pinch hitters? Wow — that’s a-whole-nother level of ‘not moving.’
Just in case you wanted to see a direct quote, here it is, straight from the ass’ soul-patch:
“It’s tough to put up good numbers if you’re not getting at-bats,” said Dobbs, 31. “It just is. And not that it’s an excuse. It’s just the way it is.”
"I think I'm going to strike out here... Only because I don't see why Ryan Howard gets to bat most of the time instead of me."
Yeah — that’s not an excuse at all… except that it is. You’re clearly here to do nothing but pinch hit, and you fucking sucked at it. In fact, as the article states, he “hit .167 as a pinch-hitter,” and his at-bats “went from 226 to 154.” What am I missing here? He committed an epic fail at trying to reach the Mendoza line as a pinch hitter, and still managed to amass 154 at-bats because our only options were an old man with a beer belly and a little fuzzy guy that defined the word “irony” when he somehow: a) sucked, and b) made a triple-play. Now he wants more at-bats when we finally figured out that we need some resemblance of a bench to succeed?! Get the fuck out of here…
Anymore nonsense like this, and Dobbs will be back to hanging out with losers again
Oh, and I’m filing this under “Miscellaneous Rants” because Greg Dobbs is irrelevant… He does not deserve “Phillies Rant” status, unless he takes this utter and complete bullshit of an attitude onto the baseball field. Boo-ya, bitch! Take that!
Lest We Forget
Posted by Dickie Assburn in Enemies, Free Agency, General Thoughts, Playoffs and World Series on January 27th, 2010
Off-season baseball writing sucks dick. No one gives enough of a fuck to read any of it, the writers resort to talking about hypothetical signings and trades, and everyone essentially shits themselves trying to keep their job in a mostly dead market.
Well, I don’t get paid, I don’t give a fuck about ‘good journalism’, and I think hypothetical trades are stupid.
I realized today that I forgot about Ben Francisco. I also forgot about Greg Dobbs. Whenever I think about the Phillies throughout the day, I usually just think of our pitching. What I think about is pretty typical, like “why did the Phillies sign Jose Contreras?” The Phillies pitching staff is starting to look like a retirement home.
From left to right: Contreras, Moyer... and uh... I guess I exagerrated a bit
Ben Francisco went 0-for-11 during the postseason. Who does that? Honestly? I must admit that I was very surprised the Phils got as far as they did. NO ONE could hit off the bench. Francisco flat-lined, and I frequently forgot that Dobbs still played for us. Stairs was a drunken waste of a bench spot. Hopefully Gload can help us out in that department, because we really need it. When it stopped being fun to say “Ben Frann-cisss-cooo,” I decided it was time to suggest that we throw batteries at him a la J.D. Drew.
My Super Sweet 2010 Season
BTW… how is Durbin making over 2 million dollars this year? I know I wrote about this already, but come ON. He sucked!
Chase announced that he’s going to be more willing to take breaks during the season than he has been in the past. If he can do this effectively (and by that, I mean doing it to the team’s and his advantage) then I will be happy with that. Chase has a distinct history of trying to play through/hide injuries and he’s clearly a huge part of our team.
————————–
The Yankees signed Randy Winn today, who will likely spell the end of Johnny Damon’s time with the team. I think moves like these make baseball interesting from year to year. The lost Cabrera and Damon but gained Granderson and Winn. As far as offensive production, it’s a wait-and-see game this season for the Yanks. Granderson hasn’t played on teams that are as offensively gifted as the Yankees in the past, but he’s seen production similar to Damon’s over the course of his career. The difference is that he doesn’t bat in as many runs and he hasn’t been doing that for as long. The batting average is pretty inconsistent (last year it sucked), but he does have some power in his bat. I say he could top out around 82 RBIs, but I’d probably bet on less.
Offensively, I doubt they skip a beat by losing Damon. Sure – he had a good playoffs, but I don’t think he ever made/broke a team he was on. He’s always been a ‘pretty good’ player. However, I still hate that monkey-looking motherfucker about as much as I hate Pedro Feliz. I hope he signs with some shitty ass team in the AL so I don’t have to see him too much. If he and Pedro Feliz fucked, they’d make the most monkey-looking children ever created… and we all know Pedro would deliver it.
I found this on the net... it really captures how much of a bitch Pedro is
Bench to decide series? Load of CRAP.
Posted by Dickie Assburn in Enemies, General Thoughts, Media and Press, Playoffs and World Series on October 15th, 2009
A certain number of baseball analysts seem to think that the benches are going to decide the NLCS this year. I say that’s a load of complete crap.
I’m not sure when people stopped paying attention to Jim Thome, but I’m guessing it was years ago. The guy still has some pop in his bat, but he can’t make contact worth shit. This year, his batting average blew and what did having this piece of man junk do for the Dodgers last round? He gave them 2 at-bats, with no hits and a strikeout.
Orlando Hudson? 3 games, no at-bats.
Mark Loretta has had one at-bat and one RBI, which makes him the most productive Dodger… who has seen the plate once. Big fucking deal.
Juan Pierre? A big FUCKING donut. 0-for-3 last series.
The Dodgers’ bench is packed with big names — I get that. But who cares? They haven’t produced in the playoffs like the media leads you to believe.
I’m not saying the Phillies’ bench has played better, because they obviously haven’t. Greg Dobbs has continued his miserable looking season with 3 outs in 3 at bats during the playoffs, Matt Stairs hasn’t knocked any out yet, and Francisco (while he did make the most epic catch of the playoffs) hasn’t hit the ball yet either.
All I’m saying is this: the analysts need to get off their knees so the Dodgers’ bench can pull their pants up. The game is on tonight, and if they keep sucking on them this hard, they DEFINITELY won’t be able to show us anything.
Although I’m sure Jim Thome has no problem with that……
Are They Mustaches or Just One Big Dirty Sanchez? Phils Win 14-6
Posted by WTT in Game Summaries on July 25th, 2009
Okay, so here’s the deal. I have about ten beers waiting for me in the backyard at my buddy’s house. So this is going to be brief. But today was good. Real good.
What went down: The Phillies’ offense couldn’t get up last night, but sprang a solid one this afternoon as they, uh, “pounded” the Cardinals by the way of a 14-6 score. After blowing an early 3-0 lead, it looked like they were about to shit the bed and let this one slip away. The bats went quiet between the second and fifth innings and Ryan Howard did that whole thing where he sucks and can’t throw the ball to second base. Jimmy Rollins, however, handled shit when he took that douchey looking guy with the fucking handlebar mustache deep for a grand slam in the sixth (Could I work a dirty sanchez joke in here? You’re damn right I could, but fuck it). The Phils added six in the eighth to break it wide open.
RED BULL=GRAND SLAMS
Who and what pissed me off: Ryan Howard. Bro, I understand you beat out that infield single at first, but you can’t take that shit with you into the field. That’s Little League stuff. Nice throw to second to botch that double play and allow a run to score, too. Howard has been significantly better in the field this season, but he still can’t make that 3-6 throw. He partially salvaged his day with a meaningless two-run double in the seventh, so that’s cool.
Rick Ankiel. Nice mustache. I’m glad to see that you can still grow facial hair despite all of the steroid use. Ankiel had three hits and two spectacular catches in centerfield to rob the Phillies of early runs. Dick.
Dick Stockton and Tim McCarver. Holy shit. Stockton got the count wrong at least four times today and sounded like he didn’t even know where the Hell he was at times. McCarver was trying to tell a story about winning today and winning a pennant tomorrow, or something stupid like that. Not only did the story fucking suck, but it took him like three minutes to explain it. And another thing, the whole lazer pointer thing. Yeah, it was stupid, but you both sounded like whiny bitches. “Like, oh my god, like, I can’t believe it’s a lazer pointer. That’s terrible.” Just shut up.
What I liked: Shane Victorino. Four hits. He is now hitting .318 and that makes me feel good.
Jimmy Rollins. He started the day with a quiet 0 for 3, but finished with a bang. Rollins belted a clutch, two-out grand slam in the sixth and added an RBI double in the seventh. He finished the day with a career high five RBI and officially appears to be far removed from whatever the Hell that was earlier in the season.
Greg Dobbs. It will go overlooked, unless you are one of those Beerleaguer guys that’s all like, “OMG. His VORP on that AB was .762 and there was a 71 percent chance that the Phillies wouldn’t have won if he didn’t throw at least 6 pitches and work that walk. OMG FANGRAPHS,” but that was a huge at bat. He battled back and allowed Rollins to do that magic that he did.
Steven Register. Congratulations on taking forty-five minutes to throw two meaningless innings with a touchdown lead. Enjoy the four appearances you get up here over the next two weeks because I think your stay is going to be shortlived.
Can somebody please explain to me: Why somebody would even bring a lazer pointer to a game? How dare you fuck up CHP’s rhythm. I’m all for booing and throwing shit at people (we have an epic story coming), but come on bro, a lazer pointer? That’s gay.
Now What: Fat Joe takes the mound against Todd Wellemeyer as the Phillies go for another series win. Wellemeyer, if you remember, started the game last year when the Phillies hit back-to-back-to-back home runs and put up a twenty spot in St. Louis. I like the Phillies’ chances.
Dear Phillies, Please Get the Fuck Out of Here. <3, 4DaysRest
Posted by WTT in Game Summaries on June 22nd, 2009
What went down: The Phillies’ offense was quieted by Jeremy Guthrie, who allowed only one run and three hits over seven innings. Cole Hamels pitched well, but couldn’t hold down the Orioles in two key spots in the 2-1 loss.The Phillies only managed four hits for the game. That’s it? Four god damn hits? The Phillies have now lost seven straight games and eight of their last nine. And somehow they remain in first place.
Who and what pissed me off: Jimmy Rollins. He is a flat out terrible offensive player right now. There are no words that adequately describe his mentally challenged approach at the plate or the meek opposite field pop-ups that he continually hits. With Ibanez and Howard out of the lineup yet again, this was Rollins’ day to put the team on his back one time and guide them to a crucial win. Instead, he didn’t even reach base. And yeah, there was a missed call at first, but honestly, the collective offensive effort was so dreadful that I refuse to use tough luck as a cover up for the putrid stink emanating from Citizens Bank Park. Some of you out there will reference the former MVP, team leader, all of that stuff. That’s great. But this is June 2009 and he is a fucking terrible hitter and killing this team.
A disinterested Charlie Manuel is tossed from the game, only after asking nicely.
Charlie Manuel. First of all, his arugment after the Rollins out at first was half-assed. It looked like he felt obligated to go out and argue the call, but that’s not my main gripe. His insistance upon batting Jimmy Rollins in the leadoff spot is fucking insane. When the Phils are winning, Chris Wheeler can usually be heard jingling Manuel’s balls for his “steady approach” to managing. Well there’s a difference between steady and down right fucking stupid. And guess where we are kids? If you guessed down right fucking stupid, you win. “Hey, here’s an idea, let’s take our statistically worst hitter in almost every category and bat him in the arguably most crucial spot in the order, almost essentially neutering Shane Victorino and Chase Utley, the two fucking guys who aren’t playing like they have a tampon wedged in their manginas, in the process.” Sounds like a fucking plan, Chuck.
Cole Hamels. You think I’m crazy, huh? He was good today; in fact, it was his second best start of the season. I will tell you, however, that I was disappointed in his inability to hold the Orioles in the eighth. He needs to find a way out of that jam, and this year, he has failed to get out hitters in the most critical of spots. This team desperately needed him to get through that eighth inning and he couldn’t. The pitch selection and execution to Brian Roberts made me feel like someone was jabbing a pen into my dick, to be polite.
Chris Wheeler. Why don’t you explain to me one more fucking time the concept of the no doubles defense. Here’s the deal, dickhead. Most people that watch the Phillies, you know, have watched them before at some point. So why do you feel the fucking need to explain to me that when the corner infielders play the lines and the outfielders take a step back and toward the lines that this is in order to prevent a double? I FUCKING KNOW. We’ve played what, 67 games? So take out like three for Fox and two for ESPN and that means Wheels has been on TV roughly 62 times. I’m willing to bet he has made reference to the NDD at least 59 times. Your douchetastic ways are simply incredible.
Jayson Werth. Ninth inning. Down one run. Lefty closer in the game. Werth represents the best chance to revive a team that has suddenly lost its pulse. Gets ahead in the count 3-1. Should be sitting on a fastball out over the plate. Instead, Werth jams himself and fouls out to first base. That at-bat exemplifies the fundamental retardation of this team’s approach at the plate.
What I liked: Cole Hamels. Obviously, I voiced some displeasure above, but Hamels’ was still excellent for the majority of the game.
Greg Dobbs. Recently, Dobbs has showed a little of the pop that had been missing for this entire season. Maybe he is slowly turning a corner.
Can somebody please explain to me: Why the fuck did the Phillies elect to pitch to Brian Roberts in the eighth inning with a base open. Roberts is a terrific hitter and is one of the few guys the Orioles have with enough bat control to knock in the go-ahead run in that spot. Roberts was 14 for 17 with a runner on 3rd and less than one out coming into the at-bat. It made absolutely no sense to pitch to him in that spot, which of course probably explains why they did.
Now what: The Phillies get the fuck out of town, finally. They head to Tampa Bay, where last year they split the first two games of the World Series. I don’t think that simply hitting the road will cure what ails this team, seeing as they are injured, worn out, and quite frankly, are playing unfocused and uninspired baseball. But fuck it, who cares, right?
Uncle Chollie’s Mother’s Day Folly
Posted by Even Stevens in General Thoughts, Phillies Rants on May 10th, 2009
Let me begin by saying that I’m a huge fan of Charlie Manuel. I love his style. He’s supportive yet demanding of his players, plus he’s an easy-going guy. I think a manager’s demeanor is a large part of the clubhouse atmosphere, and Charlie has himself one hell of a clubhouse.
When Charlie Manuel pinch hit for Brett Myers today with a 2-1 lead in the bottom of the sixth, I didn’t like the move. Common sense would tell you that you should pinch hit with a man on first and third, two outs, and the pitcher’s spot coming up. I’m going to ignore common sense on this one and actually do some “managing” to explain why.
You have a 2 to 1 lead going into the 7th inning regardless of what happens. Myers has been pretty sharp all day and has thrown just 92 pitches through the sixth inning. Let Myers hit in this spot and go one more inning. Give the ball to Madson in the 8th and Lidge in the 9th, and avoid having to hand it over to the mediocre lefties in the pen.
If you want to make the argument that you need to pinch hit so that you can tack at least another run on, answer me this. With Matt Stairs getting the start, who do you feel confident coming off the bench against a righty pitcher? Greg Dobbs? Fuck you. Dobbs is hitting .140 this year and has shown me NOTHING in the clutch. Brett Myers is 3-for-13 with a .231 average, PLUS he had already seen Kawakami for 2 at-bats during today’s game.
If you want to make the argument (like Tom “I’m so gay” McCarthy did) that pulling Myers with a lead is good for his confidence, again I will kick you in the balls and tell you that you’re wrong. Brett Myers has the mental stability of a screwdriver anyway. Do you think he’s going remember and/or care what he did today when he makes his next start? No.
Back to the game. Let’s say you leave Myers in there to hit, and he strikes out or hits a “really good” ground ball like Dobbs did. Who cares? You have a 2-1 lead, something I’m way more confident with Myers protecting than Taschner. He was making pitches up to that point and I’m sure a poll of Phillies Nation would have shown confidence in Brett for one more inning.
As soon as Dobbs grounded out, we were double-fucked. No more Myers to go into the 7th, you’re out of left-handed pinch hitters, and now we have to watch Jack Taschner try to “feel the mechanism” and throw a strike – which, if you’ve been watching the Phillies at all this year, you know is a tough task.
Brett Myers was pitching well today. Why cut it short and ruin a good thing? Leave him in the game, Charlie.