Posts Tagged pedro feliz
The Sky is Falling!
Posted by Bay Slugga in General Thoughts, Spring Training on March 4th, 2010
Pedro Feliz would HAVE got four outs on this play.
Since we are in the business of making a huge deal about Spring Training games, allow me to say what everyone is thinking – Placido Polanco sucks balls. In the most meaningful game of his career, Halladay came out a mowed down the Yankees with ease. It would HAVE been a flawless outing (23 pitches, 20 strikes = Boner Jams), but Polanco fucked it up with a throwing error. Shame on you Placido, shame on you indeed.
In all seriousness, I think we all expect a few more E5s in the boxscore this season. Polanco’s value will be seen in his role in the number two hole, where he has a chance to a be a very productive table setter for Utley and Howard. Pedro Feliz was downright painful to watch at the plate, and no amount a defensive (or lack there of) will make me miss him. Adios!
Dobbs: when I play like shit, play me more
Posted by Dickie Assburn in Ballplayer Lifestyle, Miscellaneous Rants on March 3rd, 2010
Before I pretend that anything Greg Dobbs says matters: why does this show up when you google 'greg dobbs'? hahaha
No – there are no typos in the subject. What I wrote is what I meant. After doing a lot of less important shit, like mailing out my resume to a bunch of places hoping to get an internship for this summer, I looked up the Phillies news for the day… only to see Greg Dobbs bitching about his playing time. What’s worse is that the guy reporting on it, Matt Gelb, didn’t call his bluff and state in his article that Greg Dobbs has lost his fucking mind. Here are the excerpts of Gelb’s articles that just did not make ANY sense to me…
The hardest part, he said, was accepting the diminished role. With Ryan Howard and Pedro Feliz entrenched in their starting spots, plus little playing time to be had in the corner outfield positions, there just wasn’t room for Dobbs – and he couldn’t duplicate his success.
Ideally, Dobbs said, he needs at least 200 at-bats to avoid a season like 2009.
See — that right there is exactly why I would never want to be a real sports journalist. It would mean I’d have to put up with hearing ludicrous shit like that coming out of the mouth of the resident pinch hitter.
What is a pinch hitter, anyway? Oh yeah — it’s a guy that sits on his ass pretty much everyday and then gets off of it to swing a fucking bat in the 7th inning when the pitcher starts sucking too bad/gets tired. People say DHs are lazy as shit, but pinch hitters? Wow — that’s a-whole-nother level of ‘not moving.’
Just in case you wanted to see a direct quote, here it is, straight from the ass’ soul-patch:
“It’s tough to put up good numbers if you’re not getting at-bats,” said Dobbs, 31. “It just is. And not that it’s an excuse. It’s just the way it is.”
"I think I'm going to strike out here... Only because I don't see why Ryan Howard gets to bat most of the time instead of me."
Yeah — that’s not an excuse at all… except that it is. You’re clearly here to do nothing but pinch hit, and you fucking sucked at it. In fact, as the article states, he “hit .167 as a pinch-hitter,” and his at-bats “went from 226 to 154.” What am I missing here? He committed an epic fail at trying to reach the Mendoza line as a pinch hitter, and still managed to amass 154 at-bats because our only options were an old man with a beer belly and a little fuzzy guy that defined the word “irony” when he somehow: a) sucked, and b) made a triple-play. Now he wants more at-bats when we finally figured out that we need some resemblance of a bench to succeed?! Get the fuck out of here…
Anymore nonsense like this, and Dobbs will be back to hanging out with losers again
Oh, and I’m filing this under “Miscellaneous Rants” because Greg Dobbs is irrelevant… He does not deserve “Phillies Rant” status, unless he takes this utter and complete bullshit of an attitude onto the baseball field. Boo-ya, bitch! Take that!
Lest We Forget
Posted by Dickie Assburn in Enemies, Free Agency, General Thoughts, Playoffs and World Series on January 27th, 2010
Off-season baseball writing sucks dick. No one gives enough of a fuck to read any of it, the writers resort to talking about hypothetical signings and trades, and everyone essentially shits themselves trying to keep their job in a mostly dead market.
Well, I don’t get paid, I don’t give a fuck about ‘good journalism’, and I think hypothetical trades are stupid.
I realized today that I forgot about Ben Francisco. I also forgot about Greg Dobbs. Whenever I think about the Phillies throughout the day, I usually just think of our pitching. What I think about is pretty typical, like “why did the Phillies sign Jose Contreras?” The Phillies pitching staff is starting to look like a retirement home.
From left to right: Contreras, Moyer... and uh... I guess I exagerrated a bit
Ben Francisco went 0-for-11 during the postseason. Who does that? Honestly? I must admit that I was very surprised the Phils got as far as they did. NO ONE could hit off the bench. Francisco flat-lined, and I frequently forgot that Dobbs still played for us. Stairs was a drunken waste of a bench spot. Hopefully Gload can help us out in that department, because we really need it. When it stopped being fun to say “Ben Frann-cisss-cooo,” I decided it was time to suggest that we throw batteries at him a la J.D. Drew.
My Super Sweet 2010 Season
BTW… how is Durbin making over 2 million dollars this year? I know I wrote about this already, but come ON. He sucked!
Chase announced that he’s going to be more willing to take breaks during the season than he has been in the past. If he can do this effectively (and by that, I mean doing it to the team’s and his advantage) then I will be happy with that. Chase has a distinct history of trying to play through/hide injuries and he’s clearly a huge part of our team.
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The Yankees signed Randy Winn today, who will likely spell the end of Johnny Damon’s time with the team. I think moves like these make baseball interesting from year to year. The lost Cabrera and Damon but gained Granderson and Winn. As far as offensive production, it’s a wait-and-see game this season for the Yanks. Granderson hasn’t played on teams that are as offensively gifted as the Yankees in the past, but he’s seen production similar to Damon’s over the course of his career. The difference is that he doesn’t bat in as many runs and he hasn’t been doing that for as long. The batting average is pretty inconsistent (last year it sucked), but he does have some power in his bat. I say he could top out around 82 RBIs, but I’d probably bet on less.
Offensively, I doubt they skip a beat by losing Damon. Sure – he had a good playoffs, but I don’t think he ever made/broke a team he was on. He’s always been a ‘pretty good’ player. However, I still hate that monkey-looking motherfucker about as much as I hate Pedro Feliz. I hope he signs with some shitty ass team in the AL so I don’t have to see him too much. If he and Pedro Feliz fucked, they’d make the most monkey-looking children ever created… and we all know Pedro would deliver it.
I found this on the net... it really captures how much of a bitch Pedro is
Update from Winter Meetings
Posted by Dickie Assburn in Breaking News on December 7th, 2009
UPDATE: 12/09, 2:57PM
1) The Phillies have signed pinch hitter Ross Gload to a contract. Gload played for the Royals and Marlins last season and is a lifetime .283 hitter. Not a bad pick up by any means.
2) Twins, Astros and Orioles all have interest in Pedro Feliz.
3) No further word yet on Joe Blanton trade rumors.
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UPDATE 12/08, 11:58AM
1) Brad Penny signed by the Cardinals for one-year, 7.5 million in base salary. This isn’t Phillies news, but it sort of is. If the Cardinals were willing to sign a guy that absolutely sucked last year for 90% of the season for that much money, they might not be too confident that they can re-sign Matt Holliday. That means he might go to the Red Sox, Mariners, Mets (a stretch.) Yankees likely won’t be players, as people have said they are aiming to cut down on their payroll (LOL WTF?!)
2) Phillies have inquired about Aroldis Chapman aka the flamethrowing niño out of Cuba.
3) Phillies were heavily looking at Betancourt, which apparently prompted the Rockies to offer him arbitration. He has since accepted the offer.
4) John Lackey’s agent and the Mets had a long meeting, but it’s unclear whether the Mets are willing to meet his contract demands.
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12/07
Some things to lick on:
1) Phillies are listening to offers on Joe Blanton. Motive? Free up cash for bullpen upgrades.
2) Phillies have met with Brandon Lyon’s agent.
3) Brett Myers’ agent had discussions with the Texas Rangers. Myers wants a multi-year deal, but the Rangers are only offering a one-year deal.
4) Pat Burrell trade rumor was apparently bullshit according to ’sources.’
Placido Polanco close to becoming newest Phillie, more . . .
Posted by Dickie Assburn in Breaking News, Free Agency, NL East Reviews, Phillies Rants on December 3rd, 2009
Welcome back. Please surprise me and become an RBI machine... you won't
I really don’t mean be a brat… but I’m a brat. It’s in my blood. During the happiest of moments, I sometimes attempt to ruin them with a backhanded compliment, or some other sort of sarcasm.
Well, here it is: this signing doesn’t exactly excite me. That’s not sarcasm, and that’s not a backhanded compliment, but it’s how I feel. Placido Polanco has averaged about 60 RBIs a year over the course of his career. Last year, he BARELY played any third base. He’s 34-years-old and we are signing him to a 3-year deal worth $18 million dollars. Knowing the Phillies, that contract is probably back-loaded. We will be paying a 37-year-old Placido Polance probably about $8-9 million in the final year of his contract.
Regardless of the terms, it’s $6 million a year on average. You’re getting extreme unpredictability for $6 million a year over the next 3 years. He hit about .340 3 years ago, 2 years ago he hit .307, and then last year, he hit .285. Like I said before, we don’t get any younger at the position, and we’re asking a guy to be a full-time third baseman at age 34 when he hasn’t even played the position since 2005 (Placido Polanco Fielding Stats).
I never really liked Pedro Feliz. He was the glaring weak point in our offense, but he knew how to man the corner like few others. His seasonal RBI averages trump Polanco’s (pro-rated over his career, games played and at-bats ALL considered) and no one can seriously argue with me that he didn’t play an unrivaled third-base (at least unrivaled by Polanco.)
My point is that if this was the option we were looking at going in, why did we get rid of Pedro Feliz? I don’t really see the point. Pedro couldn’t hit, but he drove in runs. If you attribute Polanco’s failure to do so based on his playing with offensive teams that don’t match the caliber of the Phils’ unit, that argument is often overrated. Raul Ibanez played with shit for most of his career and mashed in a lot of runs. When he got to the Phils, he didn’t see any real improvement. Granted, he slowed down in the second half, but that’s baseball. I’m just saying: as far as the argument goes, it’s points are unfounded.
But I guess there are also good points. Polanco is apparently going to bat second behind Jimmy ‘kiss my dick’ Rollins. Carlos will probably get more RBIs with Shane Victorino batting in the 7-spot (that will be a very good 7-spot hitter, btw.) Polanco is more of a hit for average guy, so if he manages to get on base more than Victorino (I doubt he gets on base noticeably more), we could see a few more RBIs for Howard and Utley. I don’t know – I guess I was just hoping for Figgins/Beltre. I figured if we got Polanco, we might be looking at a DeRosa/Polanco double-signing, but I don’t think we have enough money anymore.
Juan Castro doesn’t excite me. Brian Schneider – meh, could’ve done worse, I guess.
On to the bullpen, I suppose. This isn’t exactly what I’d call a great offseason so far. We better get some quality relievers, or we might not back it back in the NL.
In other news:
"The bitch is back"
Our favorite head-up-ass weasel, Billy Wagner, has squirmed his way back into our lives. I guess he thinks it’s okay to come back to the NL East now that Pat the Bat is gone. I’m sure Pat thought about railing his wife once… but eventually realized she’d probably make his dick taste like baked beans (that’s all they eat at the hickville Wagner residence).
If you are salivating over this image, you are a complete piece of shit.
The Braves signed him to a one-year deal to serve as the replacement rat on the team.
Rat Faced Bastard aka Jeff Francoeur
Thankfully, the offseason is finally starting to heat up. The sports fanboy portion of my life has been REALLY boring without baseball.
The Flyers openly don’t give a shit, the Sixers just signed Allen Iverson (all signs point to NBA suicide), and the Eagles have more concussions than a group of girls that got skull-fucked by Ron Jeremy.
Spring training can’t come sooner.
Running down Assburn Alley, tail tucked, ready to pee the bed.
Posted by Dickie Assburn in Free Agency, General Thoughts on November 15th, 2009
Me as a dog... with a filthy ass tramp-stamp
OK – look: I’m not saying that I’m giving up on our chase for a new third-baseman, but as my ill-will for Pedro Feliz weakens, my support for the free agent crop at the position weakens as well.
Pedro Feliz isn’t too bad of a third-baseman. He plays third great defensively, and he provided 82 RBIs last year. Sure – he fucking sucks compared to the rest of our lineup, but he IS the guy that bats in the 7th hole. I have no idea where to find these stats, but if I could, I’m willing to bet that few/no other teams had a guy in the 7th spot batting in 82 guys last season.
Here’s my deal: Beltre had a terrible year power-wise and that’s what people expect out of his bat. His batting average has been equal to Pedro’s, and he’s coming off of an injury. DeRosa really is probably more suited for a bench role – he’s 35 and coming off of wrist surgery. Polanco (again) hasn’t played much 3rd base.
Here’s my problem: why must we be teased with the idea of bringing in Chone Figgins? It isn’t HAPPENING. As much as I wish it would, it can’t. Facts are that he’s an awesome third basemen and Ruben is penny pinching, so we’re not going to sign him.
The reason why Ruben isn’t making the payroll go a ton over what it was last year, in my opinion, is because in order to keep this team together going forward, we’re going to need to save up. If we’re going to keep Ryan Howard, Cliff Lee, Jayson Werth, Cole Hamels (if he turns in a ‘hey guyz jk in 09′ act next season), Shane Victorino, etc., we’re going to need to save money. Right there, you easily have at least 5 guys who could get at least 10+ million a year, long-term deals in almost any market climate. This HAS to be why Ruben’s exhibiting such prudent spending. If this isn’t why, I move on to my second theory…
Hes a greedy Jewish bastard.